It was a long, lonely drive back from Scotland in an empty minibus and there was nothing on the radio. So, I turned it off. Instead, I decided to sing the entire repertoire of Gilbert O Sullivan from 1971 to 1978. I’d just reached ‘Oo wack a doo wack a day’ when I realised I was boring myself, so I turned the radio back on. Nigel Farage had resigned as an MP. Oh joy, oh wondrous moment, oh mellifluous concoction of irn bru, angel delight and cadburys cream eggs all rolled into one. Was I dreaming? Hopefully not as I was hurtling down the M6 at 63mph.

It was true. The most destructive man to dip his toe, then his leg then his entire head into British politics in the last 20 years had had enough  and was resigning as an MP. But…was this a trick? He’s a little bit known for them? Yes! Of course. He’s stood down rather than answer the questions about his £5m donation and he’s going to go to the people of Clacton (who may not recognise him…) and ask them to vote him back in as part of what he is now calling ‘the people versus the establishment’ election.

Vote

He’s going to go to Clacton and say, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong’, they’ll go ‘fair enough’ and he’ll be vindicated.

But …is he more likely to get ‘bin’dicated…..

The silly sausage has got it tragically wrong. Every party saw right through his barely thought-out ploy. Kemi Badenoch called it a ‘Hissy fit’ Keir Starmer said ‘it was a desperate stunt and Farage was utterly exposed’. No one would play his game. They all said, ‘we’re not standing’.

But someone was…..Count Binface. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What a humiliating yet profoundly appropriate way for Farage to be kicked out of Politics. Defeated by a man dressed as a bin.

But did Binface have anything to offer the people of Clacton? Quick as a flash the Count replied ‘Well, I’m not Nigel Farage’.

Count

Finally, people can see in front of their own eyes the confidence trickery that has been played out and sucked them in over the past few years.

People who thought Reform were the answer are now watching the meltdown of that very party. There’s Robert Jenrick saying it’s a battle against the ‘Establishment’. Yes, that Robert Jenrick. That one who was a Tory minister for 10 years and literally voted to break broken Britain.

But it’s not looking good for the far right the world over. French rightist leader Marine Le Pen has just emerged from court charged with embezzlement and has to wear an electronic ankle tag if she stands in the Presidential election. Cool look! Donald Trump couldn’t face one of his footballers getting a red card and not being allowed to play in the next game (like what the rules say) so he got the delightfully non corrupt Fifa to cancel it. As a result, plucky little Belgium smashed them 4.1. Actions speak louder than words. Could the week get any better…?

Binface

Farage says it’s none of our business what he spends donations from crypto billionaires and criminal gamblers on. But it is. That’s why he’s being investigated by the parliamentary standards committee. Because we absolutely DO have the right to know.

And what really made the jaw drop on to the dashboard was hearing Farage saying he was the most threatened politician in Britain -and that’s why he needs the money. Really? More threatened by Labour MP Jo Cox who was murdered on the street by an actual nazi shouting ‘Britain First’ at her? More threatened than Tory MP David Amess, stabbed 21 times in his own surgery by a knife wielding maniac? I don’t think having a couple of milk shakes thrown over you counts.

So, the battle is on for the soul of Britain. Farage, who almost consigned Britain to the dustbin of history, or an actual dustbin. I know who I’d vote for…..